29. Careful, You'll Become Post-Natal

Life is so fantastic.

27. Just To Remember In Ten Years

"In the end I was the mean girl, or somebody's in-between girl."

26. We've Not A Lot Of Time, Bear.

Life's been crazy. So much has happened the past few weeks that I can't keep track of hardly anything. But that's alright, I like it this way.

I've taken too many photographs. And I'll post some here in the next few days, but there are so many that it's hard to decide which ones to flood these pages with.

I start school June 1st for all my general education classes so that next year I can enter the med program for Radiologic Technology.

I purchased my tickets for Bonnaroo (four day music festival in TN) for June 11th-15th and I'm looking forward to that so much I can hardly contain myself. So many bands, so many opportunities to fill myself with musical greatness that I don't know how I'll handle it. -smiles- EXCITED!

Ayden has been doing great, playing soccer three days a week, and playing outside whenever the weather is nice. Which is finally almost everyday now. It just needs to stick this way.

I haven't been writing again. Not for three weeks now, and I'm not sure what happened. But I've been doodling, sketching, and reading everything that is given to me as a present or anything I haven't read that sits on my book shelves.

So, this is how life goes now.

Busy, but I'm happy.

25. Brown

there's nothing
to the waking up next to stale
sheets
if you're ready to move on
into the next phase

they move around these legs
like tentacles
of your hopes
and the summer

i will
give nothing of your dreams
to my pillows tonight

and my floor is jealous
of your arms
it called me to rest
and i passed

you've begun
to taste of
cold amber

the night closes
i lean
i breathe

24. I Have Nothing To Give

Life is too short. Life is too uneven to settle because it feels safe. Because you want it to work out because it feels like it should.

And even if it takes me the rest of my life, I will not settle.

I will not yield.

This past week ... two weeks, have been absolutely busy! I registered for school and procrastinated my entry test till Monday so I could study, study, study. School starts in June, and I've finally made up my mind what I'm doing. Radiologic Technology. AKA X-Ray Technician. It's 2 1/2 years of school, and even though anyone taking med school knows, it's hard work but well worth it in the end.

Ayden's been playing soccer like a mad man, and he's so cute, I'll post a video soon. He had a game earlier and though they are too young to keep score, watching him sit in the middle of the field from exhaustion is hilarious. It's good to get this stuff on film, good embarassing stuff for later in life!

I'll have to post pictures soon, I've been taking enough of them.

23. Any Fragments Will Remain

you will come to me in the middle of the night
and we'll wrap our legs
we'll wrap our arms around eachother's small frames
and breathe softly into the space between our faces

but i won't share my thoughts with you
no, those are locked up tight

and even though these are just visions in my deepest drunken sleep,
sneaking through my entryway window when i refuse
to open the door

it doesn't make me anymore prepared for reality
nothing prepares you for this
cold cold cold

"i hardly ever feel alone"

but tonight i want to scream about loneliness and how it stings and it creates little circles of want around your bedroom walls that just tend to radiate when lights are out

so what will i do?
i'll meet my best friends and tell them i'm an idiot and that i just want someone to hold me because it hurts over and over again and so they will laugh and close their eyes to my shame

and so he will hold. and my head will rest on his chest.



by an hour i'll run away again
because good girls never stay.

22. Vanilla, Open Scent On The Living Room Floor

Close your eyes and go to sleep, girl.