25. Brown

there's nothing
to the waking up next to stale
sheets
if you're ready to move on
into the next phase

they move around these legs
like tentacles
of your hopes
and the summer

i will
give nothing of your dreams
to my pillows tonight

and my floor is jealous
of your arms
it called me to rest
and i passed

you've begun
to taste of
cold amber

the night closes
i lean
i breathe

24. I Have Nothing To Give

Life is too short. Life is too uneven to settle because it feels safe. Because you want it to work out because it feels like it should.

And even if it takes me the rest of my life, I will not settle.

I will not yield.

This past week ... two weeks, have been absolutely busy! I registered for school and procrastinated my entry test till Monday so I could study, study, study. School starts in June, and I've finally made up my mind what I'm doing. Radiologic Technology. AKA X-Ray Technician. It's 2 1/2 years of school, and even though anyone taking med school knows, it's hard work but well worth it in the end.

Ayden's been playing soccer like a mad man, and he's so cute, I'll post a video soon. He had a game earlier and though they are too young to keep score, watching him sit in the middle of the field from exhaustion is hilarious. It's good to get this stuff on film, good embarassing stuff for later in life!

I'll have to post pictures soon, I've been taking enough of them.

23. Any Fragments Will Remain

you will come to me in the middle of the night
and we'll wrap our legs
we'll wrap our arms around eachother's small frames
and breathe softly into the space between our faces

but i won't share my thoughts with you
no, those are locked up tight

and even though these are just visions in my deepest drunken sleep,
sneaking through my entryway window when i refuse
to open the door

it doesn't make me anymore prepared for reality
nothing prepares you for this
cold cold cold

"i hardly ever feel alone"

but tonight i want to scream about loneliness and how it stings and it creates little circles of want around your bedroom walls that just tend to radiate when lights are out

so what will i do?
i'll meet my best friends and tell them i'm an idiot and that i just want someone to hold me because it hurts over and over again and so they will laugh and close their eyes to my shame

and so he will hold. and my head will rest on his chest.



by an hour i'll run away again
because good girls never stay.

22. Vanilla, Open Scent On The Living Room Floor

Close your eyes and go to sleep, girl.

21. I Need The Smell Of Summer

There are some days that I wake up and immediately want to turn off my phone, bottle myself into my apartment, crawl underneath the covers of my comfortable bed, dream away reality and only wake up to drink hot chocolate and write or just not wake up at all and live in my surreal fantasy of perfection to everything.





Today was one of those days.






But then I realize that I have what so many people wish that they did, and that is unconditional love when I need it, I get to watch my son grow and learn every single day, and I'm never truly alone anymore.



I need to get the "If it's not one thing, it's another" attitude out of my body pretty fucking soon because it's driving me crazy feeling this way.

I guess ... it's strange. It's been almost two months and I'm finally realizing how much I miss being in love. Or maybe it's because I've not been out of love in close to 6 years.

Fickle funny thing.

Dreamland is mine tonight, warmth is going to pull the plug and make me wait.

20. Today

We just wanted to say "hello."

19. Time Stands Still, You Know You've Got The Hips To Swing It Back And Forth

I have no idea what is going to happen, what is to become of all this, and how I feel about the whole situation just yet.

And you know what? I don't even care.

I'll just close my eyes, have fun and take a leap. Because at some point, I have to hit the floor, but that's alright, because then I'll fly like Hell back up to the top.

Just watch me.